How to break up with someone
You: Your ex is attractive.
Partner: Which one?
You: ME.
You: BYEEEE
1/3 of me: I wanna be fit and sexy and have a flat stomach and be lean and have lots of muscle.
1/3 of me: I wanna be skinny and tiny and dainty and delicate and bony and frail and look cute in everything.
1/3 of me: I wanna not give a shit about what I look like and be happy instead.
i went to school with a pair of identical twins and one time one of them was like “i’m so hot, i’d fuck me” and he turned to wink suggestively at his brother who just batted his eyelashes and blew a kiss at him
(Source: mirapendejo, via fluerish)
